One of Those Days

     "AHHHH!" I screamed. I slammed the bedroom door shut, praying my toddler was not close behind. My daugher had fought her nap all afternoon and I had so much to do - including fit in some much needed time in God's Word. I had tried several times to lay her down, but to no avail. My anger was mounting and I had to escape for an adult time out while Emma was occupied with her favorite TV show. Foot swiftly connected to a nearby trunk, in a vain hope that the act would release some pent up aggression. As you probably can guess, it was misguided. Instead I felt worse, and a little lost, as I surveyed the damage upon the helpless furniture - and my own soul. I thrust myself upon the bed and buried my face into the comforter and cried out to Jesus. While I cannot recall my exact words, the prayer went something to this effect: "Lord, help me, please. My plans have been changed and I am upset AGAIN! Help me to let go of my anger and forgive my selfishness, please." 

     With prayer and the support of a friend or two, I rose up, left my bedroom, and faced my child and my home once more that day. It wasn't the last time I felt frustrated over altered plans, but it was a wake up call that I needed to face my issues in this area. There's been a few layers which God has been peeling away, but victory began to come with this scripture:

 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy."

 -Proverbs 13:12, NLT 

     That was it - the initial answer to my plight. I was getting my hopes set on my plans, and when someone made a mess of them - I was becoming spiritually heartsick. I quickly spiraled into anger or fear and became stressed. On the flip side, if everything went according to Mama's schedule, no one could be happier! I don't know about you, but I thrive on control. I heart order, a schedule, a plan. I can make an agenda with the best of them and, with joyful abandon, cross every "t" and dot every "i." Unfortunately, when I do, that plan tends to get my heart. The actual plan is not the problem. God is not against me creating a schedule to the best of my knowledge and ability - after all, He gave me that gift. In fact, He acknowledges that mankind in general tends to be full of plans in the Word! 

You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail."  -Proverbs 19:21, NLT

     Note: the good Lord doesn't censor a good plan. (Check out Luke 14:28) There is a place for it in His kingdom. However, even the best laid plans must be framed with a very important phrase: "If the LORD will.." (James 4:15) If I keep this thought in mind as I create my to do list, I tend to avoid my precious schedule being so close to my heart. I become a more relaxed, flexible mom - even when my tasks are delayed - sometimes multiple times! - by my sweet preschooler. After all, isn't it my daughter, the soul whom God has entrusted me with, more important than my best laid plans? Shouldn't Emma and God's plan for her rule the day? Isn't that what will truly last in eternity - not my clean house or a perfectly executed Pinterest craft, but the difference I made as a mom upon my daughter's soul?  

     I believe it will! And if you share my struggle, I pray these words were able to encourage you and help you reframe, in a positive manner, those days in where the agenda goes awry.

      Dear Lord, help us not to cling so tightly to our plans. Let us focus on Your will above our own, trusting that everything and anything that needs to be accomplished will get done.Grant us willing, flexible spirits in this. In Jesus' awesome and holy Name, Amen!

This post has been contributed by Elizabeth Hamm.  

Elizabeth Hamm is mommy to vivacious three year old Emma and wife to Kevin, her loving, supportive husband of 8 years. She is a graphic designer by day and by night, a woman with a passion for the pen and voracious love for God's Word. She credits her strength to the grace of God and her daily cup o' joe. Say hello to Elizabeth at lizhamm01@yahoo.com.