If you have or have had a
toddler, then you will most likely find yourself nodding your head as
you read this post. For those of you who have yet to encounter
toddlerhood, please consider this to just be my opinion. But I also
hope to leave you with helpful information --- information I wish
someone would have given me. Of course, even knowing what to expect
can’t really prepare you for how difficult the toddler phase of
parenting is. Sleepless nights with an infant are nothing in
comparison to teaching a toddler how to be obedient. Sometimes it
seems as if you are jumping hurdles in a track and field race. Other
times it’s like you are a broken record, stuck on repeat. Just when
you think you have figured out how to teach a specific lesson, they
defy you and you are back to square one.
I am struck by the irony
that I, who has a very authoritative view of parenting-one that I am
sure Mary and Joseph didn't use with Jesus, was asked to write about
an aspect of parenting that has been my weakest so far. When my son
Wyatt entered the toddler age, I yearned to be able to use Love and
Logic. It seemed so…well, logical. I have read countless books on
ways to parent in a way that combines authoritative with passive, but
I find myself constantly reverting back to my old tendencies. But
then I came to the basic conclusion that the most important lesson
for us to teach Wyatt about obeying one's parents is that he must
"honor thy mother and father." That commandment was
ingrained in me as a child, and I have always followed it very well,
myself. In Ephesians 6:2-4 it states, "Children, obey your
parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother
so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the
Earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them
up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." It was after
reading those verses that I realized I need to find ways to model to
my children how to honor and respect the rules of our household in a
way that honors the Lord.
My first goal was to
simply teach Wyatt what the word “obey” meant in our house. And
then we made it a family rule. Next, I realized that the verses were
encouraging my husband and me to not discipline out of anger. This
meant we needed to learn to take a step back, maybe even a deep
breath, and decide what the consequence should be so that Wyatt ---
and now our daughter Scarlett --- know not only what is expected of
them, but what happens when they disobey. We decided that giving
warnings with a gentle voice would suffice at first. So, the first
time the children disobey, we get down at their level, look them in
the eyes, and calmly state what they did that needs to be improved.
We ask if they understand and hope they say "yes." But, as
I said earlier, toddlerhood is challenging. So, oftentimes, the rule
is disobeyed for a second time. At this point, I set the tone of
voice to “firm.” Not in a way that ridicules or conveys
disappointment, but lets them know that the behavior is unacceptable.
At this point, sometimes we realize the child needs to be removed
from the situation and go immediately to time-out. Other times, we
allow the child to try again to correct his or her behavior. Now,
because toddlers like to push their limits (well, children of any
age, really), the behavior may not get better. That is when we employ
a logical consequence. This could be taking something away, giving a
longer time-out, or giving a delayed consequence. For a child with a
Type-A personality, this is very effective because they expect an
immediate consequence, and when mom or dad has time to ruminate on
discipline options, it could be a worse punishment than usual.
Of course, as with every
stage of parenting, there is a learning curve, and we parents need to
allow ourselves a certain measure of grace as we deal with the
challenges of teaching toddlers to obey. The important thing is to
teach our children what God wants all of His children to know: that
even though honoring our father and mother is the right thing to do,
and disobedience often comes with consequences, it doesn’t diminish
our love for them.
Today's post was written by: Michelle Wiest
I'm Michelle Wiest, mother
to Wyatt and Scarlett. I have always wanted to be a mother and am so
blessed that my desire to be not only a mom, but a stay at home mom,
was able to come true. I am a former Middle School Language Arts
teacher so I have always taught others to write but never
really
tried myself. I'm so elated to have the chance to combine my love for
God's
word with my love for writing.
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