Think Before You Speak!

    

      I began really thinking about this principle the other evening, when one of my children brought up a time in her life where a person, who was suppose to be mentoring her in the Bible, said something really nasty and wrong to her.  She was only 9 at the time of this incident, but all these years later, it still bothers her.  Someone she was suppose to look up to and who was suppose to be a godly example to her, treated her wrong.  They opened their mouth and caused a little one to dislike learning the Word of God.  My daughter admitted it turned her off to church for the longest time. 

"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."

 ~ Mark 9:42 ~

     As we talked, I asked her if she had forgiven this person, and she said yes, but it still hurt when she thought about the situation.  Even after all these years, the mere thoughts of those words made her ache and brought tears to her eyes.  

     We have got to be careful about what we say and how we say it.  I don't know what that teacher was thinking when she spoke those harsh words to my daughter, but it left scars that only God can heal.  What if my daughter had refused to give anyone else a chance to teach her as she grew up?  What if it would have left my daughter unable to love God, because if the way she was treated was an example of God's love, she didn't want a part of it?  Thankfully, my daughter was set in her ways and knew this wasn't the way God wanted her to be treated and she decided to let it go and not hold a grudge.  She was saddened by the event, but not taken down.  The devil didn't get his way this time. 

     Parents, teachers, and even those who babysit our children, need to be aware that words can hurt!  They are lasting in our memories.  You may not even know what repercussions your words have until years later.  THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!!!  

     Over the next few weeks I am going to be writing more about how we use our words.  I will also be reviewing a book I am reading titled: Keep it Shut by Karen Ehman.  I believe there is life and death in words we speak.  What will you choose?  

  

    

Let's Add it Up

     Have you taken a look at the world around you? My heart was saddened when I saw some advertisements this morning. We are never happy with what we have received.  One day there are sales on items for us to buy before Christmas, but that didn't end on December 24th.  Now we see ads for sales after Christmas.  WHY ARE WE NEVER SATISFIED???  Why do we need more and more "things" in order to be happy, and I use that word very loosely. 

     Many people will never have joy and that is because  they are constantly searching for something.  They think that next new purchase or device will bring them satisfaction and joy.  They go looking for more and more items to bring happiness into their lives.  What they don't realize is that there is an equation for joy, and that equation has nothing to do with worldly things.  

     The best things in life are FREE.  Have you heard that saying?  Well, I agree.  If we would just be content and thankful for what we have, we will have JOY!  Our hearts will be so full of joy that we will have no room for discontentment.  

     Nothing in this world will ever satisfy our souls.  This is not our home.  Things that we buy do not have the ability to fill our lives with a peace that passes all understanding.  Only Jesus Christ can provide that kind of peace.  Only He can give us true joy that can not be taken away under any circumstances.  I want to share a couple of quotes from the dear Corrie Ten Boom.  Even while her faith was being tested and tried, she had the Joy of Jesus way down in her heart.  

  Are you ready to set your eyes on things above and not on things this world has to offer? Are you ready for changes?  Do you know that in order to have true J O Y, you must have these priorities: 

J - Jesus First

      O - Others Second

     Y - Yourself Last

     I am praying for major changes in 2015 in my own life.  I want more of Jesus and less of me. What are you praying for?  I would love to hear what you are wanting for the new year.  

      

Character Quality Cards, FREE FOR YOU!!!

Here are some great character quality cards for you to print. 

Let's Talk Obedience

   

     Obedience.... this is probably one of my favorite character qualities.  It is such an important one to learn.  We really can't teach the rest of the character qualities until this one is taught and understood.  A word related to obedience is submit.  We must understand that we are to do what we are told to do by God without asking questions and without delay,  just as we expect our children to obey without hesitation.

     God has commanded us to obey Him.  In our obedience we are showing Him love and respect.   I am reminded of these verses found in Deuteronomy:

See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse— the blessing if you obey the commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today;  the curse if you disobey the commands of the Lord your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known. ~ Deuteronomy 11:26-28

     We must teach our children to obey.  If they will not obey our voices, how will they learn to obey the voice of the Holy Spirit.  We also need to teach our children God's commandments so they know how they are to obey Him.  They need to know God's ways in order to know what is a sin.  If they follow men blindly and obey them, but do not know God's Word, they may do something that is against God's Word.  

     Children need to know why obedience is so important.  First it is a way to show God how much we love him, as it says in 1 John 5:3 ~In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.  It is also a way to show love and respect for those God has placed over you.  They need to be taught that disobedience can lead to harm physically and spiritually.  Sit down and talk with your children about why they should obey God and why they should obey you as their parents first.  Tell them that God and you only want what is best for them and that is why they need to trust you and obey when you give a command.  Then explain why it is important for them to obey other authority figures in their lives, like their teachers, policemen, and others.  Kids like to ask questions.  Let them ask you questions now, but when it comes time to obey, tell them it is important to obey first and ask questions later.  

     I do have a fun game to help training little ones in obedience.  It is called Red Light, Green Light.  Take a couple sheets of paper, one red and one green and cut them out to look like stop signs.  Write Stop on the red one and Go on the green one.  Have them stand about 20 feet in front of you and tell them to watch the signs as well as listening to your voice command.  When they hear Go and see the go sign, they are to walk towards you, until they hear stop and see the stop sign.  Tell them they are to stop immediately! Keep repeating until one of them make it to you. This is a fun way to start obedience training in your home.   

Making Time for Family

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭15-17‬ ESV)

In our culture, we frequently talk about "making"more time for the people God has brought into our lives - namely, our family. This is a common topic particularly among us moms in this busy American culture. I remember discussing the concept of time once with my Mom. 

"Wouldn't it be great if we had an extra hour each day?" she sighed. "I wonder why God gave us 24 and not 25 hours a day."

"Yeah,"I agreed. "That would nice." Then the proverbial lightbulb flashed. "But then again, if He gave us 25, we would be wishing for 26. We would always find a way to fill our time and wish for more. He knows what we can handle."

While those may not be our exact words, that was the gist of the conversation. God has entrusted us with only a certain amount of time on earth, and it is up to us to manage it to the best of our ability! He didn't give us more because He knew that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year was enough time for us to accomplish His will for our lives. Even when it doesn't feel like it. Even when the schedule feels packed. Even when we have to-do lists that run off our daily planner. Even when the voicemails and texts pile up. God has given us what we need to do His will, however short the time may seem.

Beyond the task lists, there comes the relationships in our lives that God has placed there - particularly, our husbands and wonderful children. We know time is needed to develop and nourish those relationships - which is a precious commodity, indeed. But how, exactly, are we supposed to squeeze in relaxed, fun, quality time - in the midst of all the hustle bustle we are engaged in? 

Perhaps now would be a good moment to inject a valuable prayer from God's Word:

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." (Psalm‬ ‭90‬:‭12‬ ESV)

This was a prayer straight from the lips of Moses - but to me, it might as well be my own. It is a conflict I am regularly engaged in, and I am sure many of you mamas out there are with me. My heart cries out to play with my child, but my practical side says, "We have to get this or that done. And then we have to be at this place at such and such time." What's a mother to do? I don't have all the answers, but I will share what I have gleaned over the last few years in hopes of helping you!

1) Ask yourself: "What's priority? What is a want, and what is a need?"

I often ask myself this question. I am a very task oriented, scheduled person, and can easily get lost in the agenda I have set. Planning is good, but be careful of going overboard. If you are a person like me, who thrives on order and task lists, consider this one simple step: throw that to-do list out the window! I had to do this. I would get a task list formed and even rated by numbers or stars what was most important. What filled my list? Was it people? NO. It was laundry. It was errands. It was housework. None of them evil in themselves. But, I was so stuck on my list that I ignored what was upmost importance: my husband. My daughter. As author Lysa TerKeurst so eloquently put it: "I want to make sure it's people, not projects, that occupy the sacred spaces of my heart." So, my typical tactic now? Lower standards. A realistic plan. Scheduled time with my family on the mental check list. Hence, an evening may go something like this: "Tasks A and B MUST be done for tomorrow. I will aim to spend 30 minutes playing with Emma before bed. I need to read her that book I promised her when I tuck her in, and relax with Kevin after she is down. If I have a little extra time, I will try to do task C." Long to-do lists are no longer the norm. 

2) Question #2 for busy mamas (is there any mama NOT busy?): "What am I saying yes to that I should be saying no too? What I am giving myself to outside of my home that is, in reality, stealing valuable time and energy from my family?"

You may have noticed my earlier quote from Lysa TerKeurst is from her latest book, "The Best Yes." But long before this book came out, God was dealing with me on the very issues Lysa tackles in her book. I was overcommitted. I was a yes woman. I felt I had to take on a bunch of projects to please God. I had to begin to embrace the power of no and realize that it is ok to use this empowering word. And hey, God says it is ok! Mt. 5:37 states, "Let what you say be simply 'Yes" or "No;' anything more than this comes from evil." When I begin to be more realistic on what I could be committed to, putting boundaries on my time and allowing margin in my schedule, I was surprised at how God simplified my life and the time that began to open up to play dolls with my child, go golfing with my husband, and meet up for a birthday dinner for Mom. The house that God had called me to care for begin to flourish, as well. And I could juggle all of these things with peace of mind!

3) Let. it. go.

No, I am not quoting Frozen's hit song - not on purpose, anyway, although it certainly is apt! Let go of your ideals. Trade them for God's best. Abandon perfection - embrace your humanity. Don't try to do it all - be ok with the fact that you are a human being who is limited in time, energy, and effort. (Sing with me - "The perfect girl is GONE!" with glee!) Your house will not be clean all the time. You don't have to be involved in everything coming and going. You don't have to go to every party or get together. Let go of the image America has placed before us of the ideal woman, who juggles it all, is always busy, busy, busy, yet does it all well. That person doesn't exist. Lay down that worldly image so that you can enjoy a moment of old fashioned catch with your budding ball player. Let the dust bunnies grow, let someone else head up that committee God didn't call you to anyway, so you can sip imaginary tea out of plastic pink cups with your little princess or take your spouse out for an afternoon stroll. 

Trade the task list for what really matters - ahem, WHO really matters - because life is too short to miss out on all the wonderful relationships God has placed in our lives.

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." (James‬ ‭4‬:‭13-14‬ ESV)

Elizabeth Hamm is mommy to vivacious three year old Emma and wife to Kevin, her loving, supportive husband of 8 years. She is a graphic designer by day and by night, a woman with a passion for the pen and voracious love for God's Word. She credits her strength to the grace of God and her daily cup o' joe. Say hello to Elizabeth at lizhamm01@yahoo.com.

Character Quality: Discretion

     When we speak words, we need to think about what repercussions our words may carry.  Have you ever heard the old saying "Think before you speak!"  That has a lot of meaning to it.  We need to use wisdom so we can avoid doing or saying something we will regret later. 

 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
    and discerning if they hold their tongues. ~ Proverbs 17:28

     As we grow in Christ, we will also grow in discretion.  As we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and not to follow the flesh, discretion will come.  We will be able to stop and listen before spouting off at the mouth.  If we allow our emotions to control us, we will have no discretion at all.  Our emotions and attitudes can get us into a lot of trouble.  That is why it is so important to surrender our lives and our mouths to God. 

    As parents we need to teach our children when it is okay to speak and when it is not proper.  They need to gain an understanding that our words can be hurtful, if we do not have self-control of our emotions.  If you catch your child using his words to hurt another, you must step in, take your child to the side, and let them know that is not acceptable behavior.  Have them apologize immediately to the person they hurt and make sure they understand why it was wrong. 

"Sometimes our best statements are made by saying

 nothing at all."  ~ Oswald Chambers



Your kids are watching

   Sometimes we underestimate the influence our marriage relationship has in our children. Kids are watching. All. the. time. They are watching you in the good times…but also in the bad ones and we are their main influence in every aspect of our lives, including marriage.

    I had read Proverbs 31 like a zillion times, but I never realized of the fact that it is a part of a conversation between a mother and her son until I studied it with Courtney Joseph´s The Proverbs 31 Woman – One virtue at a time (link - http://womenlivingwell.org/free-proverbs-31-ebook/ ) ebook. Was it only me? Probably. But all the chapter took a different perspective after I noticed it.

Proverbs 31:1

“The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.”

    This mother was intentional about giving his son, the king, a lot of advices about how he should govern (Pr 31:2-9) and how his future wife should be (Pr 31: 10-31). So, this cherished Scripture not only puts a high standard on how to be a godly woman, wife and mother, but also on how to be intentional in modeling it to our children.

     Our children, our tiny little kids, are tomorrow´s husbands and wives. And, as I said before, they are watching. That´s why I think we should follow the example of king Lemuel´s mother and be intentional in what and how we are role models of a godly marriage for our children.

    I´ll be honest: I am going to mention the three main aspects I struggle with the most in my own marriage, the things in which I know I should be more intentional in role modeling to my kids. I pray you can relate to any of them.

Our relationship with God

    It is important that my children see me praying, reading and studying my Bible, attending to church, doing ministry…as important as to see their dad doing it. But it is crucial that they see both of us worshiping, praying, reading God´s Word and serving in ministry together.

   Jesus is the center of our marriage, the center of our family and we have to show it to our children, not just tell them. It took time and a lot of prayer for my husband and I to adjust to each other in the spiritual aspect of our marriage…but we are improving in that area day after day, year after year.

Our love and respect to each other

    I am not proud to say that there were times when our children saw us arguing more than displaying our love towards each other. I remember once seeing my oldest son when he was 2 or 3 years old (he is 7 now) staring at us with his hands in his ears as we were having a too loud argument. My heart broke into pieces. Since that moment I decided that I would not raise my voice when arguing and that I would show respect, kindness and love to my husband even when we have a disagreement.

    It is crucial what our children hear from us regarding our husbands. What is coming out of my mouth? Praise, grace and comprehension or bitterness, sarcasm and complaints? I want my kids to hear often that I tell their dad things like: I love you, I treasure you, forgive me, I´m sorry, I understand,  let´s pray for this…

Our service

    My husband and I have a very different sphere of serving. We are missionaries in the jungle of Venezuela. Well, actually, I feel like he is the missionary, the one that comes and goes, makes trips, takes the gospel to the Indian villages, makes conferences… and I am just a wife and a mom that happens to live in the jungle with her missionary husband. My main ministry is at home, with my family, and I also serve God online and at our home church as a Sunday school teacher.

    My children don´t have many opportunities to see us serve together. And yet, I never stop telling them that we are a team. We work together, always and no matter what. But still they see their daddy leave to his missionary trips while we stay at home.

    In order to be intentional in this, we try to dream together, plan together and pray together for our service to the Lord with tribes as much as we can. He has delegated on me all the communication aspect of our ministry, so we are constantly talking, making plans and committing them to the Lord. And when my husband leaves, I have to remember myself that we ARE a team and I use to gather my children to pray for his daddy and make them (make me!!!) feel we are an important part of this team.

    We are an example about marriage to our children. You have to stop, pray and think about the areas of your marriage in which you are being a positive role model to your children and the ones in which you are being a negative role model for them.

    They are watching. They are listening. And they are growing up much faster than you think. Are you being a negative model to your children in any specific area of your marriage? If you want to share it, I´d love to pray for you today.

“God intends and expects marriage to be a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman, based on the principles of biblical love. The relationship between Jesus Christ and His church is the supreme example of the committed love that a husband and wife are to follow in their relationship with each other.”  ~ John C. Broger 

Content in His service,

Edurne

BIO – Edurne Mencía de Nieves is a wife and mom from Spain serving God as a missionary to tribes in the jungle of Venezuela. She met her husband Maracucho at Word of Life Bible Institute in Argentina and they have 3 little children (Yennixon, 6, Nahiara, 4, and Markel, 2). She blogs in Spanish in Elviajedeunamujer.com and co-leads the Spanish section of  LGG Spanish   www.amaadiosgrandemente.com