Making Time for Family

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭15-17‬ ESV)

In our culture, we frequently talk about "making"more time for the people God has brought into our lives - namely, our family. This is a common topic particularly among us moms in this busy American culture. I remember discussing the concept of time once with my Mom. 

"Wouldn't it be great if we had an extra hour each day?" she sighed. "I wonder why God gave us 24 and not 25 hours a day."

"Yeah,"I agreed. "That would nice." Then the proverbial lightbulb flashed. "But then again, if He gave us 25, we would be wishing for 26. We would always find a way to fill our time and wish for more. He knows what we can handle."

While those may not be our exact words, that was the gist of the conversation. God has entrusted us with only a certain amount of time on earth, and it is up to us to manage it to the best of our ability! He didn't give us more because He knew that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year was enough time for us to accomplish His will for our lives. Even when it doesn't feel like it. Even when the schedule feels packed. Even when we have to-do lists that run off our daily planner. Even when the voicemails and texts pile up. God has given us what we need to do His will, however short the time may seem.

Beyond the task lists, there comes the relationships in our lives that God has placed there - particularly, our husbands and wonderful children. We know time is needed to develop and nourish those relationships - which is a precious commodity, indeed. But how, exactly, are we supposed to squeeze in relaxed, fun, quality time - in the midst of all the hustle bustle we are engaged in? 

Perhaps now would be a good moment to inject a valuable prayer from God's Word:

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." (Psalm‬ ‭90‬:‭12‬ ESV)

This was a prayer straight from the lips of Moses - but to me, it might as well be my own. It is a conflict I am regularly engaged in, and I am sure many of you mamas out there are with me. My heart cries out to play with my child, but my practical side says, "We have to get this or that done. And then we have to be at this place at such and such time." What's a mother to do? I don't have all the answers, but I will share what I have gleaned over the last few years in hopes of helping you!

1) Ask yourself: "What's priority? What is a want, and what is a need?"

I often ask myself this question. I am a very task oriented, scheduled person, and can easily get lost in the agenda I have set. Planning is good, but be careful of going overboard. If you are a person like me, who thrives on order and task lists, consider this one simple step: throw that to-do list out the window! I had to do this. I would get a task list formed and even rated by numbers or stars what was most important. What filled my list? Was it people? NO. It was laundry. It was errands. It was housework. None of them evil in themselves. But, I was so stuck on my list that I ignored what was upmost importance: my husband. My daughter. As author Lysa TerKeurst so eloquently put it: "I want to make sure it's people, not projects, that occupy the sacred spaces of my heart." So, my typical tactic now? Lower standards. A realistic plan. Scheduled time with my family on the mental check list. Hence, an evening may go something like this: "Tasks A and B MUST be done for tomorrow. I will aim to spend 30 minutes playing with Emma before bed. I need to read her that book I promised her when I tuck her in, and relax with Kevin after she is down. If I have a little extra time, I will try to do task C." Long to-do lists are no longer the norm. 

2) Question #2 for busy mamas (is there any mama NOT busy?): "What am I saying yes to that I should be saying no too? What I am giving myself to outside of my home that is, in reality, stealing valuable time and energy from my family?"

You may have noticed my earlier quote from Lysa TerKeurst is from her latest book, "The Best Yes." But long before this book came out, God was dealing with me on the very issues Lysa tackles in her book. I was overcommitted. I was a yes woman. I felt I had to take on a bunch of projects to please God. I had to begin to embrace the power of no and realize that it is ok to use this empowering word. And hey, God says it is ok! Mt. 5:37 states, "Let what you say be simply 'Yes" or "No;' anything more than this comes from evil." When I begin to be more realistic on what I could be committed to, putting boundaries on my time and allowing margin in my schedule, I was surprised at how God simplified my life and the time that began to open up to play dolls with my child, go golfing with my husband, and meet up for a birthday dinner for Mom. The house that God had called me to care for begin to flourish, as well. And I could juggle all of these things with peace of mind!

3) Let. it. go.

No, I am not quoting Frozen's hit song - not on purpose, anyway, although it certainly is apt! Let go of your ideals. Trade them for God's best. Abandon perfection - embrace your humanity. Don't try to do it all - be ok with the fact that you are a human being who is limited in time, energy, and effort. (Sing with me - "The perfect girl is GONE!" with glee!) Your house will not be clean all the time. You don't have to be involved in everything coming and going. You don't have to go to every party or get together. Let go of the image America has placed before us of the ideal woman, who juggles it all, is always busy, busy, busy, yet does it all well. That person doesn't exist. Lay down that worldly image so that you can enjoy a moment of old fashioned catch with your budding ball player. Let the dust bunnies grow, let someone else head up that committee God didn't call you to anyway, so you can sip imaginary tea out of plastic pink cups with your little princess or take your spouse out for an afternoon stroll. 

Trade the task list for what really matters - ahem, WHO really matters - because life is too short to miss out on all the wonderful relationships God has placed in our lives.

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." (James‬ ‭4‬:‭13-14‬ ESV)

Elizabeth Hamm is mommy to vivacious three year old Emma and wife to Kevin, her loving, supportive husband of 8 years. She is a graphic designer by day and by night, a woman with a passion for the pen and voracious love for God's Word. She credits her strength to the grace of God and her daily cup o' joe. Say hello to Elizabeth at lizhamm01@yahoo.com.

Character Quality: Discretion

     When we speak words, we need to think about what repercussions our words may carry.  Have you ever heard the old saying "Think before you speak!"  That has a lot of meaning to it.  We need to use wisdom so we can avoid doing or saying something we will regret later. 

 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
    and discerning if they hold their tongues. ~ Proverbs 17:28

     As we grow in Christ, we will also grow in discretion.  As we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and not to follow the flesh, discretion will come.  We will be able to stop and listen before spouting off at the mouth.  If we allow our emotions to control us, we will have no discretion at all.  Our emotions and attitudes can get us into a lot of trouble.  That is why it is so important to surrender our lives and our mouths to God. 

    As parents we need to teach our children when it is okay to speak and when it is not proper.  They need to gain an understanding that our words can be hurtful, if we do not have self-control of our emotions.  If you catch your child using his words to hurt another, you must step in, take your child to the side, and let them know that is not acceptable behavior.  Have them apologize immediately to the person they hurt and make sure they understand why it was wrong. 

"Sometimes our best statements are made by saying

 nothing at all."  ~ Oswald Chambers



Your kids are watching

   Sometimes we underestimate the influence our marriage relationship has in our children. Kids are watching. All. the. time. They are watching you in the good times…but also in the bad ones and we are their main influence in every aspect of our lives, including marriage.

    I had read Proverbs 31 like a zillion times, but I never realized of the fact that it is a part of a conversation between a mother and her son until I studied it with Courtney Joseph´s The Proverbs 31 Woman – One virtue at a time (link - http://womenlivingwell.org/free-proverbs-31-ebook/ ) ebook. Was it only me? Probably. But all the chapter took a different perspective after I noticed it.

Proverbs 31:1

“The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.”

    This mother was intentional about giving his son, the king, a lot of advices about how he should govern (Pr 31:2-9) and how his future wife should be (Pr 31: 10-31). So, this cherished Scripture not only puts a high standard on how to be a godly woman, wife and mother, but also on how to be intentional in modeling it to our children.

     Our children, our tiny little kids, are tomorrow´s husbands and wives. And, as I said before, they are watching. That´s why I think we should follow the example of king Lemuel´s mother and be intentional in what and how we are role models of a godly marriage for our children.

    I´ll be honest: I am going to mention the three main aspects I struggle with the most in my own marriage, the things in which I know I should be more intentional in role modeling to my kids. I pray you can relate to any of them.

Our relationship with God

    It is important that my children see me praying, reading and studying my Bible, attending to church, doing ministry…as important as to see their dad doing it. But it is crucial that they see both of us worshiping, praying, reading God´s Word and serving in ministry together.

   Jesus is the center of our marriage, the center of our family and we have to show it to our children, not just tell them. It took time and a lot of prayer for my husband and I to adjust to each other in the spiritual aspect of our marriage…but we are improving in that area day after day, year after year.

Our love and respect to each other

    I am not proud to say that there were times when our children saw us arguing more than displaying our love towards each other. I remember once seeing my oldest son when he was 2 or 3 years old (he is 7 now) staring at us with his hands in his ears as we were having a too loud argument. My heart broke into pieces. Since that moment I decided that I would not raise my voice when arguing and that I would show respect, kindness and love to my husband even when we have a disagreement.

    It is crucial what our children hear from us regarding our husbands. What is coming out of my mouth? Praise, grace and comprehension or bitterness, sarcasm and complaints? I want my kids to hear often that I tell their dad things like: I love you, I treasure you, forgive me, I´m sorry, I understand,  let´s pray for this…

Our service

    My husband and I have a very different sphere of serving. We are missionaries in the jungle of Venezuela. Well, actually, I feel like he is the missionary, the one that comes and goes, makes trips, takes the gospel to the Indian villages, makes conferences… and I am just a wife and a mom that happens to live in the jungle with her missionary husband. My main ministry is at home, with my family, and I also serve God online and at our home church as a Sunday school teacher.

    My children don´t have many opportunities to see us serve together. And yet, I never stop telling them that we are a team. We work together, always and no matter what. But still they see their daddy leave to his missionary trips while we stay at home.

    In order to be intentional in this, we try to dream together, plan together and pray together for our service to the Lord with tribes as much as we can. He has delegated on me all the communication aspect of our ministry, so we are constantly talking, making plans and committing them to the Lord. And when my husband leaves, I have to remember myself that we ARE a team and I use to gather my children to pray for his daddy and make them (make me!!!) feel we are an important part of this team.

    We are an example about marriage to our children. You have to stop, pray and think about the areas of your marriage in which you are being a positive role model to your children and the ones in which you are being a negative role model for them.

    They are watching. They are listening. And they are growing up much faster than you think. Are you being a negative model to your children in any specific area of your marriage? If you want to share it, I´d love to pray for you today.

“God intends and expects marriage to be a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman, based on the principles of biblical love. The relationship between Jesus Christ and His church is the supreme example of the committed love that a husband and wife are to follow in their relationship with each other.”  ~ John C. Broger 

Content in His service,

Edurne

BIO – Edurne Mencía de Nieves is a wife and mom from Spain serving God as a missionary to tribes in the jungle of Venezuela. She met her husband Maracucho at Word of Life Bible Institute in Argentina and they have 3 little children (Yennixon, 6, Nahiara, 4, and Markel, 2). She blogs in Spanish in Elviajedeunamujer.com and co-leads the Spanish section of  LGG Spanish   www.amaadiosgrandemente.com 

Do you have character?

    The other night I was unable to sleep, so I got up and began to pray. I prayed for each family on our Facebook page and blog. I prayed for The Lord to guide me each day as I post. When I was through praying I began to think about what character looks like for the Christian. I came up with this picture that is posted above.

     As Christians, our character is being watched everyday. If we fail to be men and women of integrity, we are called out. When we take on the name Christian, that means we are to be Christ like. We are to display His character in our everyday lives. This means putting all our selfishness, pride and unkindness and replace it with gentleness, kindness, and humility.  It also means that when we do fail, we must apologize and try to make it right with those we hurt or disappointed.

     As parents we have an even greater responsibility to have godly character. They are following our examples everyday, good or bad. God has placed our children in our care. He expects us to take this job very seriously.  We need to look to Him for guidance and support as we train our blessings. He also wants us to encourage other families with what He has taught us.

     Today I challenge you to find another family that you can encourage and love on as they persevere to be the godly parents God wants them to be.  Give them godly counsel and loving guidance.