Do You Have The Disease to Please?

 

  I remember when my first 3 kiddos were little, I thought everything had to be immaculate in our home.  I cleaned, cleaned and you guessed it, cleaned. I didn't enjoy my children. I got frustrated when they made a mess, and I never wanted them to play with their toys. I was in a constant state of frenzy because I felt I had to have a home that looked a certain way. I blame this on the way I was brought up, but also on the fact that certain family members would just drop by without notice and would criticize me if everything wasn't just so.  I use to be a people pleaser. I wanted their approval more than I wanted my family to be happy in their own home.

     When I turned 26, and we had our 4th baby, something just struck me like a bolt of lightening. Why was I so interested in what people thought of me and how I kept my home?  Now don't get me wrong, I still like things clean, but I also want a home that my family feels comfortable in.  I want them to play and have fun.  I want them to drag their toys out and giggle when they wrestle with daddy on the living room floor.  I want to have pillow fights and be able to play in the mud without having a mom constantly nagging them to stay clean.

      By the time we had our 6th baby, I was all over impressing others and all about pleasing my family.  This mom turned in her Drill Sergeants hat for a straw hat that she wears while playing in the dirt in our gardens. We have fun now!  We laugh and play.  We still all have our chores to do, but it isn't a constant battleground of keeping things perfect.  I set my family free!

     If you are a people pleaser like I was, please take a good hard look at what you are doing to the atmosphere of your home. Is it inviting or just a showplace where no one, especially your family members, feel  comfortable and creative?  Let down your hair and enjoy life. Don't let the years pass you by like I did. Have Fun Today!!!!!

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom

Children are a blessing from the Lord.  We read this in Psalm 127 verse 3.  Even when we get frustrated or upset with our children, we must remember how precious their lives are and how quickly they grow up.  What frustrates us today, will be a memory tomorrow.

Our children need us in their lives on a daily basis.  We need to sit with them, talk with them and gently guide them to the Lord.  It is our jobs as parents to love them unconditionally and to encourage them on the path that the Lord has established for them.  Kids remember so much.  They are like little sponges, waiting to soak up whatever we say and do.  If you want to have children who honor God, follow his commandments, and respect you, then you must first model this behavior.  Many times the very behaviors that angers us about our kids, are modeled to them by us.  If you are having a problem in a certain area with one of your kiddos, I would suggest to take a long hard look at yourself.  See if you are the example they are following.  It's hard to imagine that we are the ones teaching our children to lie, or gossip, or be disrespectful, but it's likely we are.  Do your children ever see you lie on while on a telephone call, or do they see moms disrespecting their husbands, or dads gossiping about so and so at the office?   They watch us!   They see what we do even when we don't realize they are looking and listening.

Today, I challenge you to go to your children and have some quiet time just talking.  If you feel led, ask your children to forgive your bad behaviors and repent in prayer so they can hear you asking the Lord for his forgiveness of your wrong doings.  This will leave a lasting memory in your child's life.  In one moment of humility, you can change the course of your child's life, no matter what their age.

Think Before You Speak!

    

      I began really thinking about this principle the other evening, when one of my children brought up a time in her life where a person, who was suppose to be mentoring her in the Bible, said something really nasty and wrong to her.  She was only 9 at the time of this incident, but all these years later, it still bothers her.  Someone she was suppose to look up to and who was suppose to be a godly example to her, treated her wrong.  They opened their mouth and caused a little one to dislike learning the Word of God.  My daughter admitted it turned her off to church for the longest time. 

"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."

 ~ Mark 9:42 ~

     As we talked, I asked her if she had forgiven this person, and she said yes, but it still hurt when she thought about the situation.  Even after all these years, the mere thoughts of those words made her ache and brought tears to her eyes.  

     We have got to be careful about what we say and how we say it.  I don't know what that teacher was thinking when she spoke those harsh words to my daughter, but it left scars that only God can heal.  What if my daughter had refused to give anyone else a chance to teach her as she grew up?  What if it would have left my daughter unable to love God, because if the way she was treated was an example of God's love, she didn't want a part of it?  Thankfully, my daughter was set in her ways and knew this wasn't the way God wanted her to be treated and she decided to let it go and not hold a grudge.  She was saddened by the event, but not taken down.  The devil didn't get his way this time. 

     Parents, teachers, and even those who babysit our children, need to be aware that words can hurt!  They are lasting in our memories.  You may not even know what repercussions your words have until years later.  THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!!!  

     Over the next few weeks I am going to be writing more about how we use our words.  I will also be reviewing a book I am reading titled: Keep it Shut by Karen Ehman.  I believe there is life and death in words we speak.  What will you choose?  

  

    

Let's Add it Up

     Have you taken a look at the world around you? My heart was saddened when I saw some advertisements this morning. We are never happy with what we have received.  One day there are sales on items for us to buy before Christmas, but that didn't end on December 24th.  Now we see ads for sales after Christmas.  WHY ARE WE NEVER SATISFIED???  Why do we need more and more "things" in order to be happy, and I use that word very loosely. 

     Many people will never have joy and that is because  they are constantly searching for something.  They think that next new purchase or device will bring them satisfaction and joy.  They go looking for more and more items to bring happiness into their lives.  What they don't realize is that there is an equation for joy, and that equation has nothing to do with worldly things.  

     The best things in life are FREE.  Have you heard that saying?  Well, I agree.  If we would just be content and thankful for what we have, we will have JOY!  Our hearts will be so full of joy that we will have no room for discontentment.  

     Nothing in this world will ever satisfy our souls.  This is not our home.  Things that we buy do not have the ability to fill our lives with a peace that passes all understanding.  Only Jesus Christ can provide that kind of peace.  Only He can give us true joy that can not be taken away under any circumstances.  I want to share a couple of quotes from the dear Corrie Ten Boom.  Even while her faith was being tested and tried, she had the Joy of Jesus way down in her heart.  

  Are you ready to set your eyes on things above and not on things this world has to offer? Are you ready for changes?  Do you know that in order to have true J O Y, you must have these priorities: 

J - Jesus First

      O - Others Second

     Y - Yourself Last

     I am praying for major changes in 2015 in my own life.  I want more of Jesus and less of me. What are you praying for?  I would love to hear what you are wanting for the new year.  

      

Character Quality Cards, FREE FOR YOU!!!

Here are some great character quality cards for you to print. 

Let's Talk Obedience

   

     Obedience.... this is probably one of my favorite character qualities.  It is such an important one to learn.  We really can't teach the rest of the character qualities until this one is taught and understood.  A word related to obedience is submit.  We must understand that we are to do what we are told to do by God without asking questions and without delay,  just as we expect our children to obey without hesitation.

     God has commanded us to obey Him.  In our obedience we are showing Him love and respect.   I am reminded of these verses found in Deuteronomy:

See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse— the blessing if you obey the commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today;  the curse if you disobey the commands of the Lord your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known. ~ Deuteronomy 11:26-28

     We must teach our children to obey.  If they will not obey our voices, how will they learn to obey the voice of the Holy Spirit.  We also need to teach our children God's commandments so they know how they are to obey Him.  They need to know God's ways in order to know what is a sin.  If they follow men blindly and obey them, but do not know God's Word, they may do something that is against God's Word.  

     Children need to know why obedience is so important.  First it is a way to show God how much we love him, as it says in 1 John 5:3 ~In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.  It is also a way to show love and respect for those God has placed over you.  They need to be taught that disobedience can lead to harm physically and spiritually.  Sit down and talk with your children about why they should obey God and why they should obey you as their parents first.  Tell them that God and you only want what is best for them and that is why they need to trust you and obey when you give a command.  Then explain why it is important for them to obey other authority figures in their lives, like their teachers, policemen, and others.  Kids like to ask questions.  Let them ask you questions now, but when it comes time to obey, tell them it is important to obey first and ask questions later.  

     I do have a fun game to help training little ones in obedience.  It is called Red Light, Green Light.  Take a couple sheets of paper, one red and one green and cut them out to look like stop signs.  Write Stop on the red one and Go on the green one.  Have them stand about 20 feet in front of you and tell them to watch the signs as well as listening to your voice command.  When they hear Go and see the go sign, they are to walk towards you, until they hear stop and see the stop sign.  Tell them they are to stop immediately! Keep repeating until one of them make it to you. This is a fun way to start obedience training in your home.   

Making Time for Family

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭15-17‬ ESV)

In our culture, we frequently talk about "making"more time for the people God has brought into our lives - namely, our family. This is a common topic particularly among us moms in this busy American culture. I remember discussing the concept of time once with my Mom. 

"Wouldn't it be great if we had an extra hour each day?" she sighed. "I wonder why God gave us 24 and not 25 hours a day."

"Yeah,"I agreed. "That would nice." Then the proverbial lightbulb flashed. "But then again, if He gave us 25, we would be wishing for 26. We would always find a way to fill our time and wish for more. He knows what we can handle."

While those may not be our exact words, that was the gist of the conversation. God has entrusted us with only a certain amount of time on earth, and it is up to us to manage it to the best of our ability! He didn't give us more because He knew that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year was enough time for us to accomplish His will for our lives. Even when it doesn't feel like it. Even when the schedule feels packed. Even when we have to-do lists that run off our daily planner. Even when the voicemails and texts pile up. God has given us what we need to do His will, however short the time may seem.

Beyond the task lists, there comes the relationships in our lives that God has placed there - particularly, our husbands and wonderful children. We know time is needed to develop and nourish those relationships - which is a precious commodity, indeed. But how, exactly, are we supposed to squeeze in relaxed, fun, quality time - in the midst of all the hustle bustle we are engaged in? 

Perhaps now would be a good moment to inject a valuable prayer from God's Word:

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." (Psalm‬ ‭90‬:‭12‬ ESV)

This was a prayer straight from the lips of Moses - but to me, it might as well be my own. It is a conflict I am regularly engaged in, and I am sure many of you mamas out there are with me. My heart cries out to play with my child, but my practical side says, "We have to get this or that done. And then we have to be at this place at such and such time." What's a mother to do? I don't have all the answers, but I will share what I have gleaned over the last few years in hopes of helping you!

1) Ask yourself: "What's priority? What is a want, and what is a need?"

I often ask myself this question. I am a very task oriented, scheduled person, and can easily get lost in the agenda I have set. Planning is good, but be careful of going overboard. If you are a person like me, who thrives on order and task lists, consider this one simple step: throw that to-do list out the window! I had to do this. I would get a task list formed and even rated by numbers or stars what was most important. What filled my list? Was it people? NO. It was laundry. It was errands. It was housework. None of them evil in themselves. But, I was so stuck on my list that I ignored what was upmost importance: my husband. My daughter. As author Lysa TerKeurst so eloquently put it: "I want to make sure it's people, not projects, that occupy the sacred spaces of my heart." So, my typical tactic now? Lower standards. A realistic plan. Scheduled time with my family on the mental check list. Hence, an evening may go something like this: "Tasks A and B MUST be done for tomorrow. I will aim to spend 30 minutes playing with Emma before bed. I need to read her that book I promised her when I tuck her in, and relax with Kevin after she is down. If I have a little extra time, I will try to do task C." Long to-do lists are no longer the norm. 

2) Question #2 for busy mamas (is there any mama NOT busy?): "What am I saying yes to that I should be saying no too? What I am giving myself to outside of my home that is, in reality, stealing valuable time and energy from my family?"

You may have noticed my earlier quote from Lysa TerKeurst is from her latest book, "The Best Yes." But long before this book came out, God was dealing with me on the very issues Lysa tackles in her book. I was overcommitted. I was a yes woman. I felt I had to take on a bunch of projects to please God. I had to begin to embrace the power of no and realize that it is ok to use this empowering word. And hey, God says it is ok! Mt. 5:37 states, "Let what you say be simply 'Yes" or "No;' anything more than this comes from evil." When I begin to be more realistic on what I could be committed to, putting boundaries on my time and allowing margin in my schedule, I was surprised at how God simplified my life and the time that began to open up to play dolls with my child, go golfing with my husband, and meet up for a birthday dinner for Mom. The house that God had called me to care for begin to flourish, as well. And I could juggle all of these things with peace of mind!

3) Let. it. go.

No, I am not quoting Frozen's hit song - not on purpose, anyway, although it certainly is apt! Let go of your ideals. Trade them for God's best. Abandon perfection - embrace your humanity. Don't try to do it all - be ok with the fact that you are a human being who is limited in time, energy, and effort. (Sing with me - "The perfect girl is GONE!" with glee!) Your house will not be clean all the time. You don't have to be involved in everything coming and going. You don't have to go to every party or get together. Let go of the image America has placed before us of the ideal woman, who juggles it all, is always busy, busy, busy, yet does it all well. That person doesn't exist. Lay down that worldly image so that you can enjoy a moment of old fashioned catch with your budding ball player. Let the dust bunnies grow, let someone else head up that committee God didn't call you to anyway, so you can sip imaginary tea out of plastic pink cups with your little princess or take your spouse out for an afternoon stroll. 

Trade the task list for what really matters - ahem, WHO really matters - because life is too short to miss out on all the wonderful relationships God has placed in our lives.

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." (James‬ ‭4‬:‭13-14‬ ESV)

Elizabeth Hamm is mommy to vivacious three year old Emma and wife to Kevin, her loving, supportive husband of 8 years. She is a graphic designer by day and by night, a woman with a passion for the pen and voracious love for God's Word. She credits her strength to the grace of God and her daily cup o' joe. Say hello to Elizabeth at lizhamm01@yahoo.com.